So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
