If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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