Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
