ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
