Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
