I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
