i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
