so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize