I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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