stop calling my apartment porn island.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
