went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
