Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
