I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
