I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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