it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
