The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
