I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize