your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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