Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
