my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
