So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
