Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Houston, we have a squirter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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