I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
