two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize