The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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