just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm always down for nudity.
its liver damage thursday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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