i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
