you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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