What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
