I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
