Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
