consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
