It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
