so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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