You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
