Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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