Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I know her cup size but not her name....
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