somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
