Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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