Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
