and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
