we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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