What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
