There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
