I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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