can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize