I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
