he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
