I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
