Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
