i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize