someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
