Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
