Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
