worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
