He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize