Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
