I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
