My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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