If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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