Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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