I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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