I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
