So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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