Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
