I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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