you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
