He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
