"it" just moved
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
