I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
