Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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