I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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