Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
