I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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