the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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