I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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