Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
