Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
