Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
