things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
