you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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