do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
