Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
