i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
