First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
