i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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