better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
