what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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