She is in my trunk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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