I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
