every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
