His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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