and you said cock pushups were impossible
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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