i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
